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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29449497">Birthday</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slyjinks/pseuds/Slyjinks'>Slyjinks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Valentine &amp; Vimes [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Fallout 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Children, Birthday, Fluff, Gen, Prompt Fill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:35:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,771</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29449497</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slyjinks/pseuds/Slyjinks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fluffy February Day 15 prompt fill for Birthday, set in the Valentine &amp; Vimes series, where due to a bunch of magic and believe related weirdness, several Fallout 4 characters have crossed the threshold from fictional characters to actual people and have had to adapt to life in Ankh-Morpork.</p><p>Deacon escorts his adopted daughter to a birthday party at his friend Sam Vimes's house, and they discuss the primary purpose of holding a birthday celebration in the first place: maximizing the loot haul. This leads to the question of how to handle the birthdays of people who aren't born, but suddenly start existing as children or adults. The answer: just make something up!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Valentine &amp; Vimes [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fluffy February 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So how come we’re having the party at ol’ Stoneface’s instead of our place?'' asked Crash Thorndagger, which was the latest name that Deacon’s child had chosen to go by. She tried on different names on a whim, apparently trying for something that sounded tougher or “more awesome,” although so far she’d gone back to “Mango Steam Hawk” at least twice. When Deacon had asked her about the repeat, she’d answered, “Because mangos are awesome,” which Deacon had to grant was an excellent point.</p><p>He wondered which fruit cart she’d been stealing them from, and he made a mental note to scout that out so he could check on their produce quality. Wouldn’t want his darling child nicking any sub-optimal mangos, would he?</p><p>Deacon was escorting Crash along Scoone Avenue as they headed towards the ridiculously oversized mansion that two of his best friends lived in on a muggy summer evening. The real answer to Crash’s question was that there was no way in hell (or... hells? Was there one or more than one?) that Deacon was letting that many people know where the temple was, especially because Nat and Piper would be at the party, but what he told the child was, “Well, first off, if we have it at their place, Sybil’ll feel obligated to make sure you score some really great loot.”</p><p>Crash tilted her head and considered this, then she nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair.”</p><p>“Besides,” Deacon continued, “don’t you want another chance to practice your schoolwork in the estate of the Commander of the Watch? The other Guild kids have gotta be impressed with that!”</p><p>Crash rolled her eyes. “They’re just gonna say I’m tryin’ t’be teacher’s pet again. Sod that. I got there and the bloody incidents told me there was no way I was gonna keep up, so now they’re just mad I’m showin’ them up. Problem is, that ol’ butler watches me like a hawk anymore. Funny he’s the one always watching, really. The other one’s got three eyes, and it’s easier to avoid all of ‘em.”</p><p>Deacon snorted with amusement at her assessment of both Willikins and Codsworth. “Sounds like a good chance for practice, then,” he observed, then added, “Although… maybe watch the words like  ‘sod’ and ‘bloody’ in earshot of Sybil?” He thought for a moment, then continued, “And ‘incidents’.” One of these days, either Young Sam or Shaun was going to say the wrong word around Sybil, and Deacon was certain that both Vimes and Valentine would be paying him a visit immediately after, even if it turned out that the boys had learned the word from Nat. Or, let’s face it, from Vimes himself.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’ll keep in mind the toffs’ delicate sensibilities,” Crash replied, exasperated.</p><p>“Before we get there, Crash, I want to make sure you understand… next year, your birthday’s going to be on the same day. Understood?” Deacon prompted.</p><p>“What? Why?” Crash demanded. </p><p>The real answer to that was because that’s the way birthdays worked, and also that while he knew she was lying about her birthday, she needed to be more consistent about her lies, at least the ones that she didn’t want to be found out. What he said was, “Because that’ll give ‘em a whole year to make sure the next birthday haul is especially awesome.”</p><p>Crash considered that answer, then nodded, deeming it, “Fair.” Then, after a moment, she asked, “So Pops, when’s your birthday, anyways?”</p><p>Well that was a tricky question, wasn’t it? He knew the first day when he had a physical body, and he was pretty sure that if he wanted to, he could get the wizards out in Unseen University to tell him the exact time when he became an actual… person, and not just a scripted NPC in a game, but doing that meant subjecting himself to more of Chatur’s wild theories about his own origins, and those weren’t nearly as fun as Tinker Tom’s theories.</p><p>“What, you can’t guess?” Deacon prompted. </p><p>Given that there’s three-hundred fi- no. Four hundred days in a year, it probably wasn’t a fair thing to ask a… nine...ish? year old to just guess a day, but Crash was not deterred. “Sprune 23rd?” she asked.</p><p>“Good guess!” Deacon declared. It wasn’t true, of course. Deacon hadn’t even existed the previous Sprune. But Sprune 23rd was as good a day as any, and a far better option than just going with the same day as all the other Commonwealthers-made-real.</p><p>Deacon couldn’t wait to inform his friends of his newly assigned birthday. And that he expected presents.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Birthdays Are Contagious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nat was chatting with Pearlie, a sometimes useful source, near the Seamstresses’ Guild while she waited for her guide. Of course, Nat didn’t think she really <em>needed</em> a guide. She was quite sure that Piper (<em>and</em> Sacharissa, <em>and</em> de Worde) were all being ridiculous worry warts. “But Nat, that route goes right along the edge of the Shades!” “But Nat, the docks are filled with rough characters!” “But Nat, what if someone knocks you in the Ankh?” </p><p>Oh, please! It was the Ankh! She was light enough, she’d probably wouldn’t even break the crust, and then she could just climb right back on up and kick whoever did it in the shins!</p><p>But in order to keep the adults from fussing, she finally consented to hiring a local guide to accompany her along the docks route, where she would both deliver physical papers that would be taken by boat to nearby towns too small to have their own print shops and keep an ear out for interesting gossip from the various sailors that she could follow up on later. As it so happened, she knew someone who sometimes acted as a linkboy, even if these days Mango Steam Hawk was more likely to be a girl these days. Still, Mango knew the territory. </p><p>Mango charged tuppenny per trip and had assured Nat that that was evidence that her services were top notch. Nat had had her doubts, but de Worde had said that an escort was an allowable expense, so it wasn’t like it was her money being used. In fact, when Mango had heard that, she said she would have to raise her official rates to three pennies but had added with a wink that she didn’t mind giving Nat a one penny discount, unofficial-like. Nat had immediately figured out what Mango had meant, and while the whole business didn’t seem entirely honest to her, well… Mango wasn’t entirely honest, and Mango’s adopted father, Deacon, wasn’t entirely honest, and yet the forces of law and order in the city seemed to think that they were decent enough people regardless, and so Nat went along with the scheme and pocketed a penny each time she hired Mango as her ‘guide’ along the docks.</p><p>Some movement caught her attention and Nat managed to just catch Mango scrambling down the building over on the corner of Little Death and Treacle Mine, then Mango joined in with the crowds and walked along like she had been on the road the whole time before pulling up alongside Nat. “Mango?” she asked. It was always a good idea to confirm what she was going by. </p><p>“Yeah,” Mango confirmed, looking around, “but keep it down, willya?”</p><p>Nat snorted. “You know everyone’s gonna know it’s you by the glasses, right?”</p><p>“Sure, til I take ‘em off,” Mango answered. “‘Sides, wasn’t wearing ‘em when I spent more of my time around here,” she added, lighting her torch.</p><p>As they walked along, they chatted amiably about recent events, and in this case those events included Mango’s recent birthday party. “Lady Sybil sure did put on a nice party for you,” Nat observed a little wistfully. </p><p>“Thinking it was more her servants, but yeah, wasn’t terrible,” Mango agreed. “They aren’t bad for toffs.”</p><p>“Y’know, I sorta wish I had a birthday. Instead of just the same… coming alive day that everyone else has got.”</p><p>“What d’you mean, you don’t have one? Just pick one!” Mango exclaimed.</p><p>“You can’t just pick your birthday!”</p><p>“Don’t see why not! I did! Picked a couple, actually. Can’t have too many birthdays.”</p><p>Nat rolled her eyes. “You don’t get more than one birthday a year, Mango.”</p><p>“I did, but Pop says I oughta tone it down so’s folks have more time to get the really good stuff,” Mango explained.</p><p>“Mango, your birthday is the anniversary of when you were born!” Nat protested. “It’s supposed to be, like… a way to celebrate surviving another year! You can’t just pick any old day!”</p><p>“Hey! In some places, just surviving to any old day is worth celebrating!” Mango objected, then she lowered her voice and added, “Mostly about… two or three blocks Widdershins if’n it’s the wrong time of day, just so you know. You <em>really</em> gotta stay on your toes over there. ‘Sides, if your birthday’s s’posed to be celebrating you, don’t see why you don’t get to pick it. Most folks I know, they let their folks pick theirs and they just go with it. What’s the sense of that? If it’s s’posed to be <em>your</em> day, <em>you</em> should get to pick!”</p><p>Nat knew that that wasn’t quite how it was supposed to work, but at the same time, it had an appealing sort of logic to it. She knew that technically, she was never born, but neither she nor Piper liked to think about that. Wasn’t not-having a birthday just a reminder of that thing they didn’t want to think about? For that matter, if they both celebrated on the anniversary of when they got made real, well, that’d be another reminder, too!</p><p>Out loud, Nat said thoughtfully, “You know… I think I could sell Piper on that…”</p><p>“Don’t see why you’d need to,” Mango replied. “Just tell her it’s your real one, grown-ups are pretty gullible sometimes.”</p><p>Nat laughed. While it was true that adults were gullible, she was pretty sure that Mango had not quite pulled off the con as successfully as she thought she had so much as Deacon had gone along with it as a way of trying to settle Mango into her new life. Nat was also fairly certain that Piper wouldn’t actually be fooled on the matter, but she wasn’t really worried about fooling anyone.</p><p>“I bet Piper would want a birthday, too,” Nat mused as they approached their next delivery.</p><p>“I guessed Pop’s,” Mango announced proudly. “Got it in one, too!”</p><p>Nat rather doubted that, but it was cute that Deacon had gone along with Mango. Nat grinned. “Sure you did,” she said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was supposed to be a fluff one-shot, but then a follow-up occurred to me. Nat needs a birthday, too!</p><p>You can probably assume that after awhile, most of the Commonwealthers end up picking days that suit them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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